You are so. deeply. loved.
Dear Oliver,
Aw, bud. My amazing little man.
Something about seeing you so vulnerable has me feeling like I need you to know how deeply loved you are.. Going through these evaluations right now might feel confusing to you. And in all of those uncomfortable, difficult, confusing moments - I freaking love you.
We’re trying to learn more about you, and how that brilliant brain and body of yours work, and I feel like you might be annoyed by it all.
Maybe you love it (and all the attention you’re getting). maybe you hate it (with all the questions and work). and maybe you’re indifferent. But no matter how you’re feeling about it, in this moment - I need you to know how loved you are.
After this long day of testing, as you’re finally comfortable at home, I watch you in all your glory. You’re so preoccupied playing you don’t even know i’m watching you so closely i can see your every breath.
You play with your trains (for the zillionth time) and I sync my breath with yours (also, for the zillionth time).
You’re proudly wearing nothing but your Hanna Andersson underwear (which i say not for brand recognition, but because it’s literally the only pair that ‘feels ok’ and is long enough to pull up over your belly button - like I said, we’re trying to learn more about you ;)
As your train falls over and you get upset, you flap your arms wildly and rock your body to settle your system;
and then you try again to push that loooooooong line of trains in your very particular way.
With all of these things you do that make you exactly who you are, it feels literally impossible for me to love you any more than I do.
Not in spite of it. Because of it. Because anything that makes you who you are - I love.
No matter how these evaluations make you feel or what comes out of it or anything else we face in the future, you are who you are. and you are so. deeply. loved.
And this makes me wonder, if every little human was deeply loved and accepted for exactly who they are, how would our world be different?