Parenting Without Punishment Vol. VIII
Your weekly resource for raising children with compassion, curiosity, and connection (not consequences, coercion, and control)
Beneficial for ALL children - VITAL for highly sensitive children
Volume VIII: Prioritize what matters
✨ Ready for this week?! Let's dive in! 👇
📚 Resource Review
For this week, the ‘resource review’ is a quote from a fabulous book by Dr. Shefali Tsabury, “The Conscious Parent.” Could you read the whole book?! YES - it’s an AMAZING book and I’ll write a summary/review for the whole book another time, but let’s just start with the quote for now because in and of itself, it is life changing.
Are you ready for it?!
“It’s only when we stop seeking to fix our children that we begin to truly see them.”
Ok, but wait! I have to pair this with another quote before you start going down the shame spiral that we all do as parents. We think about how we want to ‘fix’ our kids or we wish they were ‘different’ and then we feel really badly about it. So there’s the next quote which is from Kristen Neff’s book, “Self-Compassion.”
“When we give ourselves compassion, we open our hearts in a way that can transform our lives.”
Ok, tell me that those 2 quotes haven’t changed your life. You can’t, right?!
🎬 Try it out!
Think of a moment when you thought, "I wish my child were..."
Fill in that blank and let that thought exist—without shame. Just sit with it for a moment.
Then, offer yourself self-compassion:
"When we give ourselves compassion, we open our hearts in a way that can transform our lives."
At the same time that you wish for something different, you also love your child unconditionally—exactly as they are.
"It’s only when we stop seeking to fix our children that we begin to truly see them."
We are all flawed. We are all imperfect. We are all human. Our children are no different—nor are they meant to be.
As parents, we will see their struggles, we will feel them deeply… and still, we love them, we love them, we love them.
🪷 Guided meditation
Listen to a Loving Kindness Meditation to help you send loving kindness around the world - including (most importantly) YOURSELF.
❤️ Q&A (ask any question, any time, right here)
Question of the week:
My 5 year old son uses his hands to hit his head to express frustration and anger. Is that normal? How can I help him to calm himself without hitting his head?
ANSWER: Kids often express big emotions physically - whether by hitting themselves, others, or objects (or others with objects…). You’d be hard pressed to find a single kid who has not let out frustration, anger, sadness, etc in this way. Of course, it’s not ideal and we can help them learn and practice safer coping strategies, but rest assured, you are NOT alone. With support and practice, he can learn safer ways to express his feelings and learn to regulate.
Here’s how you can help him when this happens:
Validate - “I see you’re really upset. That’s so hard. I’m here with you.”
Offer support - “Would you like a hug? Or do you need some space?”
Problem solve later - Once the intense feelings have passed, talk about other ways he can express frustration, like squeezing a pillow, stomping his feet, or taking deep breaths.
Over time, with your support and the support of other adults in his life, these alternative strategies will be like second-nature.
*Additional note: self-regulation and co-regulation are extremely important partners! It’s our job as adults to be the calm, not meet their storm.
If you have a parenting question you want me to answer, ask!
And I’m always here to hear what you think of this PWP journey - email me any time! heather@elementsacademy.org