Parenting Without Punishment Vol VI
PARENTING WITHOUT PUNISHMENT — Volume VI: The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Your weekly resource for raising children with compassion, curiosity, and connection
(not consequences, coercion, and control)
Beneficial for ALL children - VITAL for highly sensitive children
IF YOU'RE NEW AROUND HERE, EVERY WEEKLY ISSUE HAS:
If you're new around here, every weekly issue has:
1. A RESOURCE REVIEW: Loads of info + my expertise put into the bite size bits you actually need to know (books, movies, podcasts, games, etc etc etc)
2. TRY IT OUT! A simple activity to bring these ideas alive! (Resources are only worth it if they make your daily life easier or more enjoyable, right?!)
3. GUIDED MEDITATION: Quick and easy (even on the go) and something for all ages (littles, kids, teens, and adults) - just press play for the gift of PRESENCE with a new meditation every week.
4. Q&A: You can ask a question any time with this form and I feature a question every week with my answer to our daily parenting struggles.
✨ Ready for this week?! Let's dive in! 👇
📚 Resource Review
Have you seen the movie, IF, directed by John Krasinski?
I watched it last month over the holiday break when I was in CT visiting family. I didn't realize how much of an impact it had on me, but weeks later I'm still thinking about it. Here's what stuck with me the most:
"The most important stories we tell are the ones we tell to ourselves"
I’ve heard that quote before and it’s always resonated. This time, it hit me so hard I started sketching it out (which is super healing for my inner child - flashback to years of bubble letters and doodling).
I don’t want to give anything away, so I won’t say too much about the movie, but it was a really beautiful, heartwarming story. It encapsulates how important imaginations are; how captivatingly complex relationships are; how trauma can disconnect (and reconnect) us with ourselves; and most of all - the importance of the stories we tell ourselves.
Is it a movie I’ll watch over and over again? I don’t think so.
Is it a movie I think everyone should see? No, probably not.
Is it a heartwarming way to spend your time if you want to cuddle under a blanket? Yes. 100%.
🎬 Try it out!
Often, these activities are things to do WITH your kids. But this one's actually just for you (because sometimes, THAT'S the impact we really need)
Grab a journal or your notes app and free write with this prompt: What is a story you tell yourself?
And chances are, you tell it often. You may (or may not) be aware. But doing this prompt may help you realize what your inner monologue is.
"I'm too busy; I'm too tired; Nobody appreciates all that I do; Nobody likes me; Why does this keep happening to me; Why can't I just..."
And the list goes on and on, right? Use those as sentence starters if you want, but don't stop there. Let it flow and be gentle even if/when your words feel harsh. Notice it - and see if you can change it slightly in a way that is more helpful. Not in a way that’s not true; not in a way that’s going to feel false; but in a way that is kind and gentle.
(Example: Old story - “I’m too busy to get everything done. There just aren’t enough hours in the day and I feel like a total failure.” Newer story: “I’m doing the best I can and I will prioritize what is truly important with the time and energy I have. I am my harshest critic and it is ok to ask for help or leave the laundry unfolded.”
🪷 Guided meditation
❤️ Q&A
Question of the week: Child (age 4) takes FOREVER to get out the door. Every morning, we need to do the same things to leave. But every morning, we're rushing, cranky, yelling, and late. How do I get her out the door?!?!?!
They are sooooooo NOT alone, right?!
Here are a few tips - there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, so you have to adapt based on your child (and your bandwidth)
Is there anything you can prep the night before to help mornings feel easier? (sometimes just having their outfit picked out, coat/shoes by the door, lunch bags ready, etc can make a huge difference)
Are there visuals you can have of the morning routine or checklist? (This involves the child in the process as well as provides visual reminders rather than verbal)
Would a visual timer or playing a song/songs work to help them how long they have until you need to leave? (A timed timer shows red for how much time is left, or a playlist of songs can feel more accessible to them than a number of minutes)
Do your best to stay calm and positive (as soon as we feel ourselves get frustrated, our kids have already felt it and that will probably lead to more of a delay than taking a deep breath (or 12))
*OPTIONAL EXTRA: I know many parents who make things fun or funny, making it into a game. This isn’t my style (lol, not that I’m not fun or funny, I think I’m both, and I love games, but just not for things like this) but if it works for you, go for it!