Parenting Without Punishment Vol. XI
Your weekly resource for raising children with compassion, curiosity, and connection (not consequences, coercion, and control)
Beneficial for ALL children - VITAL for highly sensitive children
Volume XI: the preschool edition
✨ Ready for this week?! Let's dive in! 👇
❤️ Q&A- questions from you, answers for you
QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
My kids are young (ages almost 3 and 4) and, honestly, I feel like I’ve been doing pretty well parenting without punishment. I’ve been working part-time from home and have been able to have them home with me, but as I start to look into sending them to preschool (even part-time) for some socialization, I want to make sure the school aligns with what we’re doing. Is there a 'schooling without punishment?’ lol. But seriously, how do we pick a place that will work for them (and us)? We don’t want everything we’ve worked so hard on ruined!
ANSWER:
There’s no single “perfect” school or answer. But there is hopefully a school that’s the right fit for you, your family, and your child—and finding it (maybe) gets to be like a fun experiment!
The key is to ask the right questions, make sure all parents/guardians are aligned, and, most importantly, choose a school that meets the needs of your actual child (the one standing in front of you, not the one you imagined before you became a parent.)
Over the years, we’ve had many (many, many) parents come to us from other preschools. They enrolled their child because a neighbor recommended it, their spouse went there as a kid, or it was the most popular choice on Facebook. But here’s the thing—your neighbor isn’t you, your partner isn’t your child, and Facebook… well, don’t get me started.
The bottom line? You have to see for yourself.
Before you even start touring schools, take a step back. Sit down with the other adults in your child’s life and talk about what matters most. What does your ideal school look and feel like? What values are non-negotiable? What kind of environment will best support your child? Sketch it out—then start your search from there.
If it’s helpful, I wrote a blog a while back with 5 questions to ask every school - it focuses on preschool (though is honestly great for all ages). It might help you start to zone in on what you’re looking for.
📚 Resource Review
Resource Review: It’s ok to go up the slide by Heather Shumaker
This book is FABULOUS (as is Heather Shumaker - and not just because she has an awesome name). The book challenges common school and parenting norms, advocating for more play, less pressure, and a non-punitive approach to discipline (WE COULDN’T AGREE MORE!). Shumaker argues that many school rules and expectations are developmentally inappropriate and stifle creativity, independence, and emotional growth (WE COULDN’T AGREE MORE!!). She encourages parents to push back against rigid school policies and advocate for child-friendly learning environments (WE COULDN’T AGREE MORE!).
Do you see the theme - we couldn’t agree more?! She’s so right and I’m still not sure why more schools haven’t caught on.
This is a pretty short book, but if you don’t have time to read the whole thing, here are some key takeaways:
✅ Recess & Play Matter: Kids need unstructured, self-directed play—including risky play—to develop problem-solving, confidence, and resilience. (We don’t even call it recess, because recess historically means ‘a break from learning’ which we all know is not what outdoor time actually is.
✅ Respect Feelings, Not Behavior Charts: Punishments, rewards, and behavior charts don’t teach real emotional regulation. Instead, kids need co-regulation, empathy, and support to learn self-control.
✅ Question Arbitrary Rules: Some school policies (e.g., “no climbing up the slide,” excessive sitting still, homework for young kids) limit natural learning and development rather than help children thrive.
✅ Conflict is Learning: Instead of avoiding conflicts, children should be supported in learning how to resolve themwith guidance, not punishment.
✅ Advocate for Your Child’s Needs: Parents should feel empowered to challenge school policies that don’t align with respectful, child-centered learning.
This book is a great fit for parents looking for a non-punitive, child-led approach and wanting to choose (or shape) a school that aligns with those values.
Do I recommend this book?! YES - one million percent - PLEASE give it a read and let me know what you think!
🎬 Try it out!
Think back to your childhood — what’s one rule you grew up with that doesn’t quite make sense to you now? Maybe it was “Because I said so.” Maybe it was “You have to finish everything on your plate.” Maybe it was “Go sit in your room and think about what you did.”
Now, ask yourself: Would you want that same rule for your child?
The beauty of parenting is that you get to do things differently. You’re not stuck in your parents’ ways. You get to make intentional choices based on what you know now — about child development, emotional well-being, and what truly matters to your family.
So this week — question the old rules, rewrite the ones that don’t serve you, and create a family culture that aligns with your values.
You get to do parenting your way.
Do YOU want your child to attend a school without punishment?! Elements Academy might be right for your child and family! Schedule a call to chat more!
If you have a parenting question you want me to answer, ask!
And I’m always here to hear what you think of this PWP journey - email me any time! heather@elementsacademy.org